Eventful Month

Have you ever had one of those moments where time seemed to be going so slowly that it actually passed in the blink of an eye? I know that sounds weird. I recognize that it possibly makes no sense. But I can't put any other words to how the last month has gone.

My weight battle has been up and down. After my 1-week, 11-pound loss, I posted a 6 pound gain (confirming that a lot of the weight I lost was probably do to a dehydrated state when I weighed). The week after that, I posted a 3 pound loss and have been hovering around 311 ever since.

It has been hard to gain any ground. My son ML had another seizure. It was a hard one related to a fever. We gave him the emergency med which is supposed to pull him out of it but it didn't work for roughly seven minutes. We had the paramedics there and wound up spending a good three hours (as well as another chunk of change) in the ER. I shouldn't complain about the money. It wouldn't matter how much it was we would spend it in a heartbeat. It is, however, just another stressor that adds to $4.00/gallon gas and increasing utility costs.

When I completely evaluate things, I come to the conclusion that I would spend my life in a tent as long as my family could be healthy... which brings me back to the weight thing. While dealing with ML and his issues, he went from some kind of viral fever to the croup last night (another doctor visit, shot and prescription), work and other things that seem to take the vast majority of mental fortitude I have available, I have found that my trips to the gym and trips to the refrigerator have become inversely proportional, with trips to the gym decreasing. I am in a cycle right now, I recognize it, but I don't know if I can break out while my son is as sick as he is. There is too much worry placed his direction and not enough concern placed in mine. I don't know if that is something worth correcting. I do know that I haven't been doing as well with my diabetes as I should be doing. Aside from the food, the stress certainly doesn't help that situation out either. But I don't know what to do... then I turn to prayer.

I can't explain what it is about opening up the lines of communication with my Father-in-Heaven but it brings peace to my soul. I pray and I feel more like He is in control than I am and that is a comfort. He knows what he wants my little ML to be. He knows how to get him to the place that will make him the best ML he possibly can be. I just need to make sure that I am listening when the spirit talks... a skill I hope I develop quicker than I have up to this point.

Bottom line - I need to recognize the limits of my control and turn it over to Him. I don't mean that to sound melodramatic or anything like that... I wish I were better with words but I'm not. I can't quite verbalize the thoughts in my head. I guess I'm a little sidetracked right now. ML is having a hard time breathing with the croup. we are trying to help him in accordance with doctor instructions and he doesn't seem to like it. Time to pray, time to help...