Spandex... and other crimes against humanity.

You know, it is a pretty self conscious thing being overweight and going to a gym to work out. I feel like I get looked at. In the paranoid delusions concocted by my imagination, I can almost hear the thoughts of those around me: "What is fatty doing here? Isn't there a Hostess product with his name on it somewhere else? Shouldn't he be at a buffet?"

Please don't misunderstand - I recognize that these assumptions I have about other peoples perseverations have less to do with reality and are more a projection of what I think about myself than what others think about me. But still, it doesn't change the fact that when I go to the gym, I am NOT looking to call any attention to myself. For that reason, I cannot understand this:

WTH?! Cover up people! I don't care what you think, how much weight you may or may not have lost, who may have told you it looked okay - if the calipers still read plus 30% body fat, spandex is not going to be a good thing for you! There is nothing you have that the world needs to witness at this time! This goes for people taking belly dancing classes, people taking Karate lessons, anybody on the cardio equipment... please, for the love of mercy... DO NOT USE THE ELIPTICAL WITHOUT A SHIRT ON IF YOU WEIGH MORE THAN 230 LBS AND ARE SHORTER THAN 5' 6"! It's just not right. It's like porn - you see it once and it is burned into your mind forever!

When it comes time to punch my mortal timecard and my life is flashing across my eyes, I do NOT want to enter Paradise (or Prison, the jury's still out) with the image of three chins, chalky white moobs, a tattoo with the words, "Nuke the gay whales for Jezuz" across a hairy oversized gut, ALL bouncing up, down, left and right to the tune of That Ain't My America.

It's wrong people!

Ahh. That feels a little better. Thanks for letting me vent. While we are on the subject, could someone please explain tattoos to me?

We come into this life with one covering. We don't shed and get a new one; we can't really upgrade; if we tear it, it leaves a mark; if we burn it, it scars over; If we draw on it with a NEEDLE that stabs us hundreds of times per square freaking inch while depositing toxic inks dangerously close to our blood stream with a needle that a guy named Squeeky says is clean, it may not be natural... just sayin'...

Maybe that's why they are so serious about stripping down for the world to see the 'art' that Squeeky laid down right above their navel. That or the hepatitis fried the portion of their brain that says you should wear a shirt AND a coat when it is 15 degrees outside and snowing...

I don't know. This has been a really judgemental post - I think it's because I am in a bad mood tonight. I don't know why - it's the beginning of a long weekend. Then again, nothing spells 'happy' like a trip to the doctor telling you that you will ALWAYS be diabetic, you will ALWAYS require medication and you will eventually die from your condition, regardless of how hard you try to maintain control. Bummer... I guess people who told me Type II is reversible weren't being completely up front with me. That or I've been lying to myself and hearing what I want to hear rather than what is being said. Wow. That would be embarrassing; almost as embarrassing as being caught out in public wearing nothing but spandex...