Subliminal Programming

So, I was at the gym the other day making my 'fat can' do the elliptical for 50 minutes. Oddly enough, the only thing running through my mind was, "I wonder who is going to win Iron Chef tonight?" Then it occurred to me. I am at the gym simultaneously killing my gravity-defying self and watching Food Network on the TV in front of me! how ridiculous is that?! That would be like Tiger Woods swearing off extra-marital affairs while on a date with an escort.

After I got home, I turned on the TV again to watch a little news and there it was: a Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial that made me want to butter-up and roll in a secret set of herbs and spices. It shocked me how responsive I was to what I was viewing on the tube. That's not to say I blame marketing directors across the nation for my overly longitudinal issues. Quite the contrary; no force fed me at the buffet line.

When the soda manufacturers of the world said, "Obey your thirst," I had the choice to decline.

Taco Bell has repeatedly said, "Think outside the bun." I did - now my buns think outside my chair.

McDonald's used to say, "We love to see you smile." Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't remember smiling after I finished a Big Mac and large fry - matter-of-fact, I don't remember doing much of anything after finishing a Big Mac and large fry. Yet I continually chose to go back again and again.

Burger King wanted me to, "Have it my way." Well, I did. I just didn't think about the diabetes, hypertension, sky rocketing cholesterol and astronomical triglycerides number that came with the meal.

As I've always understood it, "M&M's melt in your mouth, not in your hands." It's a good thing, too - there are diabetics out there that can't feel their fingers anymore.

I don't want that to be me anymore. It's time I came up with my own slogan.